@mishakey: If Dracula saw Twilight, he'd stake himself.
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@MandiAtRandom: If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows
@TheHyyyype: ME: mom we're out of eggs again! MOM: it's ok, there's cereal [later] ME: *throwing cheerios at the mean neighbor's house* this sucks
@KatieBurnett: Never understood why ghosts haunt old, dusty houses. If I was a ghost I'd haunt Hawaii or Bali
@UnFitz: I was inept with girls in high school. Once I tried to unhook a bra strap and accidentally made a macramé plant hanger.