@slimmy_shady: If E.T. is making your bicycle fly through the sky, why do you still have to pedal?
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@Brampersandon_: If I had a nickel for every time I had a nickel I would just continue getting nickels until I had all the nickels.
@CourtneyBale: [making a friend at work] Brain: Make it weird Me: *thinking* No stop it Brain: Say something weird Me: Get out of here, you Coworker: What?
@karlainvt: It's so cute how my kids think I'm going to go look for them after I finish counting to ten.
@eddiesnextwife: Because you crave something doesn't mean it's good for you. Every time my husband opens his mouth about politics I crave instant death.