@slimmy_shady: If E.T. is making your bicycle fly through the sky, why do you still have to pedal?
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@infamousone96: Boss: "You're not suppose to be drinking on the job!" Me: "You're not suppose to cheat on your wife." Boss: "Keep up the good work sir."
@_SingleBabyMama: I figured out the best time to go grocery shopping these days is at 3:45 AM, before the Girl Scouts even wake up. Ha, I'll show them.
@joeljeffrey: That awkward sexual tension when everyone leaves the kitchen and you're left all alone with a chocolate cake.
@MarfSalvador: Him: This is the best sand castle I've ever built! Her: We're gonna die in this desert aren't we?