@slimmy_shady: If E.T. is making your bicycle fly through the sky, why do you still have to pedal?
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@STEELERS1972: So I met this hooker who said she'd do anything for ten bucks . Guess who got his yard cut?
@Amusitr0n: [clenching fists] "I'll fight someone" Waiter: For the last time sir, 'cheese plate' describes the items on the plate not the plate itself
@GetCougarized: Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it. If he's not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I'm going home.
@mofrorock: Personal ad: Handsome man (29), seeks short, open minded women to poke him in the eye with umbrellas. Busy streets only. No names please.