@causticbob: If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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@squirrel74wkgn: Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it's under the couch in the other room.
@Discourt: For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.
@faizziy: Me: What's your strongest weakness? Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
@TheMichaelRock: I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn't punch them in the head as soon as they got here.