@ObviousOstrich: If every person in the world held hands around the equator a significant portion of them would drown.
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@britt_anylynn: The sign at the McDonald's I just passed says "We hiring" in case you're wondering what kind of qualifications you need to have to be hired.
@shawnspree: Wife: Why do I have a temperature of 101.3? Me: Maybe you're pregnant? Wife: What's wrong with you? *damn you webMD, damn you.
@NervousJr: Snow White is my favorite Disney movie about a man trying to hook up with a woman who just wants to sleep.