@VerifiedDrunk: If evolution were real you'd think my body would've learned how to be drunk on its own by now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@davidkenny100: "The first guy to suggest peeing on a jellyfish sting was called a pervert but it worked" I said to my wife as she complained of a toothache
@iliezabeth: ALIEN:*points at Chihuahua* whats that? ME: a dog ALIEN:*points at Husky* whats that? ME: dog ALIEN:*getting angry, points at Pug* whats THA
@ChickenFrecklez: Hubby is trying to get it up...There we go...Ok now it won't go down-oh there it goes...Shit, now it's going back up! Garage door is broken