@VerifiedDrunk: If evolution were real you'd think my body would've learned how to be drunk on its own by now.
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@Reverend_Scott: SON: What will happen when I die? DAD: Well son, you know how all dogs go to heaven? SON: YA- DAD: You're not a dog.
@daemonic3: We're having sweet potato fries with dinner "Haha sweet potatoes?" DON'T "Don't what?" You're gonna make a dumb potato pun "I YAM NOT!"
@mamapojo: I RT you, you ignore me I fav you, you ignore me I ignore you, you ignore me This seems to be working out well for us
@UncleDuke1969: *wakes up at the crack of Dawn* *instantly regrets drunk dialing Dawn last night*