@RockabillyJay: If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.
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@thepunningman: Interviewer: Under skills you put horse whisperer and able to see ghosts Me: Ask that horse if you don't believe me Interviewer: What horse?
@hbombmom: Friendly parenting reminder - as the weather starts to get nicer, don't forget to close the windows before you yell at your kids.
@joelu72: [being mugged] ME: can i keep things of sentimental value? ROBBER: ok ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card