@RockabillyJay: If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.
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@flashember: [1st Day after wildebeests take over] I'm safe in my house [Day 7] Thought I heard clattering [Day 21] THEY CAN OPEN DOORS WITH THEIR HOOVES
@ChaseMit: Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have "evolved." Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about.
@River_Niles: 2: I no want to eat pasta! It too spicy! Me: Oh ok then 2: I no wan watch Mickey Mouse he too spicy! Me: huh? 2: NO BATH TIME BATH TOO SPICY
@ceejoyner: A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive.