@ElayneBoosler: If George W. Bush was the president of France today, he would declare war on Finland.
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@TheHyyyype: CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)
@Discourt: I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn't have to hear her say she's done.
@QwertyJones3: What kind of underwear do women wear in Japan? JAPANties! WIFE: See what I mean? JUDGE: Yes, I'm going to grant this divorce