@serialmatrix: If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
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@tastefactory: "My husband's a talented voice actor & his brother's a makeup artist but nah this old lady is a different person" -the mom in Mrs. Doubtfire
@JimmerThatisAll: Zen master: Do you possess the Buddha nature? Me: Well, I've spent 49 days under a tree. But that was just laziness.
@UncleDuke1969: "If you don't let the Jews go, I will find you. I will kill you." Liam Neeson returns in... TAKEN 3: SCHINDLER'S PISSED (Summer 2015)
@internetluke: [snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?