@JohnFugelsang: If god didn't like sex, He wouldn't make us scream His name when it's really hot.
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@_wangwe: Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door.
@Bearslietoo: Playing hard to get works with some men but apparently cops call it "resisting arrest."
@fro_vo: [space shuttle] Captain: prepare for landing Me: roger that C: reverse thrusters M: sretsurht lol C: lol *we smash full speed into the moon*
@ClaytonSykes: After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, "you'll need your receipt." I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life...