@Thedudish: If God had a sense of humor, he would have asked Noah to bring a pair of termites on board.
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@TheToddWilliams: WIFE: I have a couple important announcements…First: I'm pregnant ME: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad WIFE: Second: No you're not
@Matt_The_1st: This is an emergency! *Begs to borrow strangers phone *starts scrolling through pics
@OfficialMizGin: Years ago I went to a job placement agency. I left disappointed. Apparently nobody offers temp work as an astronaut.