@Thedudish: If God had a sense of humor, he would have asked Noah to bring a pair of termites on board.
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@SkunkFarts: The American flag should be a picture of a cheeseburger watching TV on a couch made of fries.
@jake_likes_naps: [Ouija board in Starbucks] "Speak to me spirits" O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G G R O S S
@tiffinysawyers: Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I'm available.
@NYC_Blonde: Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR