@KngHnryVIII: If God had wanted us to drink in moderation he wouldn't have put wine in barrels. #inspiration
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@FullGrownChris: Cashier: "Look at all this candy! You're going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween" Me: "It's Halloween?"
@jimmytorosian: Scissors Commercial: *Montage of people karate chopping paper in half* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better... Nevermind that was rad
@KKAlThani: Every time I pick up my phone after dropping it, I feel like one of those worried girls in movies who just took a pregnancy test.
@abbycohenwl: Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone Bank Teller: So is this not a robbery? Me: No, It is