@daveexplosm: If God hates gays so much, why didn't he put it in the ten commandments? Instead he's more pissed that you're jealous of your friend's PS4
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@tamytoo2: Actual text from 17 y/o son: kin u com bi nd swoop me? I hope he means hit him with my car, because that's the plan
@weinerdog4life: No time to explain, I need 300 copies of this cat! *throws cat at Kinko's employee
@respected_loner: just found out today that monkeys don't lay eggs. so what have i been buying on craigslist. what have i been eating
@chadopitz: Tom Cruise does all of his own stunts because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.