@VerifiedDrunk: If God wanted to impress me with his 'miracles' he would've impregnated Joesph, not a poor unwed teenage girl. That shit happens every day.
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@RuinMyWeek: Nurse: "It says here you're lacoste intolerant? Is that a typo?" Me: "No. I just really, really can't stand polos with crocodiles on them."
@iluvyogacats: Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!