@VerifiedDrunk: If God wanted to impress me with his 'miracles' he would've impregnated Joesph, not a poor unwed teenage girl. That shit happens every day.
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@Reverend_Scott: How to impress your ex: 1. Get rich 2. Get more attractive 3. Get a tiger 4. Ride tiger everywhere in preparation for confrontation with ex
@Adar79Angie: I'm Italian, but I'm not "save a princess from a weird dinosaur looking guy, with my brother Luigi" Italian.
@NYC_Blonde: If you say "I don't feel good" and a pregnant woman says "Me neither," DO NOT respond with "Yeah, but you chose this for yourself..."
@clindsaysway: We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house.