@aalicesayss: If God wanted us to go METRIC Jesus would've had 10 disciples not 12.
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@egg_dog: [death row] Guard: Any last words? Me: [smugly] photosynthesis. Guard: … Me: it sounded longer in my head.
@ClichedOut: Genie: You can't have unlimited wishes. Me: I wish for unlimited genies. Genie: Son of a
@RikNasty2Point0: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I live in Canada. So, free health care.
@OutOnTheMoors: "Comedians" don't RT because? A. Their tweets are pure gold. B. This is just a joke-tryout site. C. They know we're all funnier than them.