@MandiAtRandom: If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows
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@MaraWritesStuff: Twilight is the literary World War I: you thought this was as bad as it could get, but then WWII/Fifty Shades happened.
@Shower4Thought: Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
@qwertying: My son managed to lock the car with my keys still in the ignition. He suggest a coat hanger. I said we’re a few years too late for that.
@TheCatWhisprer: [pulling the casket a few inches away from the wall during a funeral] sorry just need to plug in my phone for a minute