@MandiAtRandom: If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [bar trivia night] and remember no using your phones unless it's an emergency me: [five minutes later] hello 911? are butterflies insects?
@thefurlinator: will somebody tell my friend its spelled "gif" not "gf" and its not special that he has one, i have like 400 on my computer
@Thrill_Tweeter: Hearing deteriorates as we get older. So why with every new year does the sound of someone eating become louder & more annoying?
@iAmDelFreaky: I was sad to lose an arm wrestling match to a woman, but I felt better after I found out she was a man. Then sad again because we had sex.