@comedianluke: If he can't build a wall, Trump is going to dig a giant hole at the border and cover it with a welcome mat like it's a Road Runner cartoon.
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@TheTimmyToes: *hires 2 personal trainers and makes one of them train the other one*
@ElayneBoosler: Wait. They gave out a Pulitzer Prize for criticism, and my mother didn't win it?
@cashbonez: [A montage of me flailing because I walked into a spiders web, with larger and larger crowds, until I am at the karate championships]
@dafloydsta: WIFE: He treats our marriage like it's a talk show THERAPIST: Is this true? ME: *turns and winks at camera* We'll find out after the break
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