@WheelTod: [First Date]
Her: Your Tinder profile says you're a great listener
Me: Really. Ugh. That's a typo. It should say I'm a "great listener."
@leyawn: someone brought a box of lemons to work and emailed out saying "there's lemons" and now every one has a lemon on their desk. why
@juneohara65: I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting.
Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?
@AndrewBloch: Probably the best newspaper correction ever
#BritishSausageWeek
@longwall26: Detective Baby: We got you dead to rights, dirtbag.
*suspect puts face in hands*
Detective Baby: HE'S ESCAPED
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