@comedianluke: If he can't build a wall, Trump is going to dig a giant hole at the border and cover it with a welcome mat like it's a Road Runner cartoon.
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@SuperheroFeed: Oh my god
@OhReallyRach: Theres no 'u' in family. Look, what Im trying to tell you is that youre adopted.
@daemonic3: WIFE: It's always best to overdress on your 1st day of work ME: Ok [later] ME: You wanted to see me? BOSS: It's about your suit of armor
@barstoolsports: Dayton hoops player has a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night.
@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why you were pulled over, respond, "I'm actually not allowed to discuss the details of the case"
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