@comedianluke: If he can't build a wall, Trump is going to dig a giant hole at the border and cover it with a welcome mat like it's a Road Runner cartoon.
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@WheelTod: [First Date] Her: Your Tinder profile says you're a great listener Me: Really. Ugh. That's a typo. It should say I'm a "great listener."
@leyawn: someone brought a box of lemons to work and emailed out saying "there's lemons" and now every one has a lemon on their desk. why
@juneohara65: I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?