@Underchilde: If hearing “I love you” was enough, we’d all buy parrots and live happily ever after.
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@krispythehuman: How to use eyeliner: 1. Draw a thin line on your top & bottom eyelids 2. Oops too thick, try to even them out 3. Colour your whole face in
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?" Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?
@lawblob: Son, its time we had 'the talk.' [dad removes shirt, starts projector, chugs 4 beers] Ok! So Tower 1 steel beams could only have melted at-