@Sanbel11: If he's a nice guy and treats you well, does it really matter what colour his Maserati is?
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@Matt_The_1st: Not to brag or anything, but I scored 4 points on flappy bird before my phone mysteriously flung itself across the room
@Rollinintheseat: My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog and not wanting to talk to its owner.
@SamGrittner: POLICE OFFICER: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" ME: "Because you know I love riddles."
@Leave_the_candy: i love the term “partners” are we dating? are we robbing a bank? do we run a legal firm? Who knows man