@Sanbel11: If he's a nice guy and treats you well, does it really matter what colour his Maserati is?
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@thatdutchperson: [about to message girl he likes] Me: I should just talk to her like I would anyone else. Be myself. And not act stupid. Brain: OR
@GoldenSpirals: No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I bet Lance Armstrong is smugly saying "at least I didn't kill anybody" to like every person he sees today.
@XplodingUnicorn: The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda.