@Sanbel11: If he's a nice guy and treats you well, does it really matter what colour his Maserati is?
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@a_man_named_JED: School says strangers are handing out lick on LSD tattoos. I told my kids not to worry, no one is giving out good shit like that for free
@ThisOneSayz: *getting caught filling up neighbor's trash can* Omg Karen, I just looove your trash can! Where did you get it?
@Tmoney68: God: "MOSES. THIS IS THE LORD. I HAVE NEWS FOR YOUR PEOPLE." Moses: "New burning bush. Who dis?"