@Sanbel11: If he's a nice guy and treats you well, does it really matter what colour his Maserati is?
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@Skoog: [sitting in the front seat of an UberPool while a couple makes out hardcore in the back] [at a red light, the driver and i suddenly lock eyes] me: do ya wanna...? uber driver: no
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Why does mom always yell at you? Me: Marriage is complicated. 4: Is it because you’re stupid?
@The1WhosCrazy: The walk of shame: When you toss a paper ball in trash, miss, then have to go get it.
@AristotlesNZ: Wife: Maybe its time for "the talk" Me: Ok. Son, cops can't bust you for the drugs you've done, just the drugs you have. Her: Not that talk!