@Parker_Simpson: If Hillary wins in 2016, it's gonna be a huge year for shoulder pads
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@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
@rickolantern: Me: I found this in the fridge with your name on it. Are you gonna eat it? CW: That's my stapler Me: You didn't answer my question
@WilliamAder: I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
@TheDailySchmuck: Top Five Creepy Things: 5) Dark and stormy nights 4) Spiders 3) Cars with eyelashes 2) Decaf drinkers 1) People who take one bite of cake