@Steve_Enn: If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur.
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@johnbiehl: Who him? Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.
@qwertying: Husband: [sends text] We need to break up. Wife: [sends text] WTF! Husband: [sends text] Sorry. That was meant to go to someone else.
@nursemella: I told you to pick up a slow cooker... All I see when I look in the kitchen is a turtle wearing a chefs hat