@Steve_Enn: If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: Did you guys ever prank your passed out friend by putting his hand in a bowl of warm water and then dropping a tiny toaster in it?
@ShutUpThatsWho: CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas- *scuffle noises* ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?
@MisterBombay: Before Twitter, I'd ignore dumb thoughts in my head like "How do Vampires buy pants if they can't look in a mirror?" Now, I tweet them
@QwertyJones3: A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.