@PajamaStew: If human civilization had a narrator it would just be some guy repeating "Little did they know..." over and over and over.
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@TheWoodenslurpy: [approaching a person with a service dog who’s wearing a "Working: Do Not Pet" vest] Me who is different and likely not target audience of sign: Hi, can I pet your dog?
@renesosa12: Woo hoo, July 4th wknd! Popped opened a beer, unbottoned my pants, put my feet up. My boss keeps looking at me weird, though.
@Home_Halfway: It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin.