@Xalqee: "If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave" - Me getting pulled over
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@kibblesmith: Parents Then: YOU'RE GOING TO SMOKE THE WHOLE CARTON, MISTER. Parents Today: Explain it to me again ... You're a Nazi, but on the computer?
@BlindChow: I struggle against the ropes binding me, catching the scent of gas. "You'll die too," I say. "9 lives," my cat whispers, lighting a match.
@stevevsninjas: Judge: Guilty Me: Sayyoudidwhat. Judge: What did you say? Me: Judge? Did you just reverse my sentence? *Stage dives into cheering jury*
@jonnysun: [puts cone of shame on dog] ME: (to dog) sory buddy DOG: (to all other dogs in neighborhod) BOW DOWN TO LORD FLOFFYTON HEARER OF ALL BARKS