@Xalqee: "If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave" - Me getting pulled over
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@bingowings14: First they came for the people who loaded the dishwasher incorrectly & I did not speak out. Because they do my head in.
@juliussharpe: My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
@fart: "my favorite bon jovi song? oh its definitely the one where it sounds like a computer is trying to talk while burping"