@TheSadnesses: if I am elected governor I will eat your pillow while you sleep and unlike my opponent I will also do it if I am not elected
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@captainkalvis: DATE her: i just wish our relationship was a little more... spontaneous me (holding a lighter to the table cloth): ive got just the thing
@davidkenny100: What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook. Wait
@TheToddWilliams: Scientists at the Federal Helium Reserve indicate they're storing a billion cubic meters of helium gas. It's a lot funnier when they say it.