@aveuaskew: If I can hear you chew, I have fantasized about your death.
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@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's a hardware problem.
@alispagnola: There are many different theories about why humans even need to sleep but I'm pretty sure it's to charge our phones.
@ItsAndyRyan: [Library] MAN: Do you have books on fire? LIBRARIAN: Yes, in the Chemistry section MAN: Come on boys! *Swarms of firemen enter with hoses*