@aveuaskew: If I can hear you chew, I have fantasized about your death.
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@Julian_Deane: We’ve run out of coffee so my girlfriend pressured me into knocking next door. So I knocked and awkwardly asked them to go to the shops.
@Dawn_M_: It is completely unreasonable that family members are expecting me to remember things like what the names of their kids are. Preposterous.
@OverlandParker: Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.
@AGreaterMonster: Mmmh, the wetness...don't stop, harder, oh god yes, more fingers...I love the way you rub my head. --me, getting a shampoo at the salon