@Jarhead44: If I can't pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as "bro."
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@TheTweetOfGod: Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment.
@WritePlay: SIRI: Brian, what goes "blah blah blah, I don't know anything, please help me"? ME: Uhh SIRI: It's you. That's what you sound like.