@Jarhead44: If I can't pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as "bro."
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
@LorieGZ: Mom: I called you bc I was watching a TV show & thought of you! Me: Ya? What show? My Mom (laughing): A show about Aliens! Very funny Mom!
@shopkins776: I'm scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae
@PinkCamoTO: "Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.