@Jarhead44: If I can't pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as "bro."
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@theguydf: Me: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: I don't drink. Me: Then can I just give you $7.50 to talk with me for a few minutes?
@LosLos__: Doc: Your insurance won't cover it all. Me: What if I sewed myself shut? Doc: Suture self.
@tastefactory: "What's taking the pharmacist so long? It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*
@misfarber: The baby's trying to eat the poinsettia again Well, maybe we should get rid of it The plant? But we just got it . . .Haha yeah, the plant