@Tmoney68: If I could be any animal I'd pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *puts six steaks on the grill* Wife: Don't you think that's too much? It's just us and the kids. Me: Wait, you guys are eating, too?
@Brampersandon_: [Me]: "I have hat-like reflexes" [You]: Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? [Me]: *sitting on top of your head* "Nope"
@robdelaney: My niece just said "Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!" Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.