@SteveAmiri: If I could be any X-Men I think I'd pick Professor X. Don't really care about the mind-reading stuff I just hate walking.
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@Philosopherbing: Actual warning I saw in a pamphlet: "You may be at risk for throat cancer if you have a throat or mouth." Oh shit....
@d_duhwit: Wife*outside bathroom door*:"I can hear ur keyboard clicking away. U tweeting in there?" Me*pauses knitting*:"Uh, Ya"
@stephenjmolloy: Therapist: Why are you here? Me: Ahh, the great existential question. Why are any of us- Therapist: No, I mean your appointment is tomorrow.