@TheAlexNevil: If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, no question, I would want to be alive.
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@jjax44: My car, spinning uncontrollably thru a crowd of ppl, & my Korean friend screams"HIT THE BLAKES" & I'm like"I CANT BE THAT SELECTIVE"
@withanewname: Friend: Bro, those were sick fireworks! Sorry about your eye, but I think the ER may be busy. Me: No worries, my wife made reservations.
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] Your word is 'embarrassing' "Oh I don't mind, you can say it" No, it's really 'embarrassing' "Ok, I promise not to laugh"
@WilliamRodgers: What I really love about Air Fresheners is how it makes your bathroom smell like someone just shit in your rose garden...