@TheAlexNevil: If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, no question, I would want to be alive.
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@T_Bonezzz_: [Gets Pulled Over] Cop: Have u been drinking? Me: No osiffer C: What did u call me? M: I mean orifice C: ... M: ...office chair? C: Get out
@Marlebean: Husband: You cut your hair! Me: ... H: It looks good! I like it! ... Me: I cut my hair 3 weeks ago.
@LackOfShame: If you like buying other people food and bribing them to eat it, then having kids might be for you.