@daemonic3: If I could have dinner with anyone, dead and alive, it would definitely be Schrodinger's cat.
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@AwkwardTwitts: "Wow, you're tall.. Do you play basketball?" "Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?"
@dafloydsta: "DADDY THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED" [me opening bedroom window] Wife: What are you doing? Me: *climbing out* ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?
@kentgrossarth: I've been interrogating this dog for hours and he still won't tell me who's a good boy.