@toiletrapist: If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I'd probably pick living.
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@TheToddWilliams: MOM: What did you learn at summer camp? KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator? For what? KID: To charge our iPods
@texasstalkermom: Ways to get me naked: 1. Be hot 2. Be funny 3. Be alcohol 4. Pretend to be my gynecologist
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a “world’s best dad” mug. 4: You told me not to lie.