@toiletrapist: If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I'd probably pick living.
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@weismanjake: Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread
@bossybutfair: If I see under 30s getting married, I want to kiss them for their optimism and punch them for their stupidity.
@Robert_Fultz: I find it really annoying that eating food doesn't heal wounds like I was led to believe as a kid. Damn Nintendo.
@TheToddWilliams: "Your new girlfriend seems a bit, I don't know...bookish?" She has a name you know! "What is it?" ...Paige.