@arielleBigBlue: If I could, I would avoid every conversation by making that beeping truck sound while slowly backing away from people as they approach me.
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@Exclusive001: Truthful Tuesday: Sometimes I just say "Hello" back because there are too many witnesses around to stab you repeatedly in the face.
@DurtMcHurtt: [first day as a pharmacist] CUSTOMER: the antacid I took isn't working. ME: *leans in close* that's cuz you're not an ant..
@JohnLyonTweets: "I knew he was the murderer when I saw him on the dance floor," Holmes said. "You see, Watson, guilty feet have got no rhythm."