@heatherlou_: If I could teach my kid anything it would be do not attempt to lay on my face. Give me my personal space please, tiny leech.
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@SondraDeeMe: I fake the art of fainting so well my favorite restaurant now refers to me as "Low Blood Sugar Girl" while rushing my limp body to a table.
@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
@tchrquotes: Wife: I'm going to grab some dinner, you want anything? Me: No thanks, I'm stuffed. Wife: Ok, I'm going to Taco... Me: I'll have 9 tacos.
@Ixwie: When u get charged £1.85 by a cash machine to get ur own cash out and it has the cheek to tell u to cover ur pin to prevent getting robbed