@heatherlou_: If I could teach my kid anything it would be do not attempt to lay on my face. Give me my personal space please, tiny leech.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@moneebthinks: Me in the future: Son, you’re going to go far. Son, fiddling with the catapult straps: I question your judgment daily.
@Reverend_Scott: Muggers: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE Me: My Lord will protect me Muggers: Haha, right- Jesus: [appears wielding dual katanas] I smell SINNERS
@Iwriteforcats: Cats make the best boyfriends because they're soft, loyal, and won't claim they're straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!
@druuuck: Me: you want to end the date night with some bubbly? Wife: sure *I pour vinegar and baking soda into the volcano* Wife: this is so romantic