@metafroth: If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
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@jimmytorosian: Me: I just souped up my car Person: What kind of engine did you put in it? *cut to me filling my car with tomato soup* Me: Um... A fast one.
@Dawn_M_: I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life.
@Marlebean: When I die, I want people to think back lovingly about me and say "oh, I thought she was already dead"