@metafroth: If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
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@MyMomologue: What I thought I would say as a parent: "You are going to change the world." What I say as a parent: "Stop licking the window."
@lawyerthoughts: Dear law students: my opposing counsel just asked her witness how old she was when she turned 18. You'll be fine.
@PostCultRev: DATING PROFILE: I'm looking for a partner in crime FIRST DATE: Okay, I need you to kill the mayor