@Stellacopter: If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.
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@Underchilde: My neighbor said the next time he comes over he’s bringing the whole family, so I told him I couldn’t wait and then I burned my house down.
@Parentpains: "I don't understand the value in seeing a therapist." - People who haven't spent time with me yet.
@MichaelLarrick: Uber is great because it gives me an opportunity to talk down to people that have nicer cars than me.