@YesThatAmy: If I did the math right, 8 of you are serial killers and 1,246 of you are eating Nutella.
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@1_swarthy_dude: Boss:"I'll need those projections done Aesop!" Me:"You mean ASAP?" Boss:"No, I mean a parable that uses animals to convey a moral lesson."
@SCbchbum: “Son, would you like to go to college some day, or would you like to keep ordering guac? Your choice.”
@SirEviscerate: *sees melted chocolate swirling in tv ad* ooooh yeah *raisins fall into the chocolate in slo mo* nooooo *punches hole in wall*