@Sirrruh: If I didn't know any better....
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@Sal0630: Me: I'm gonna make a salad Her: I think the lettuce went bad [opens fridge] [lettuce flicks a cigarette, hops out & pulls a switch blade]
@E_lok44: Coyotes are dangerous, stay away. If you keep this in mind, you will lessen your chances of being hit by an anvil.
@rdthought: Girlfriend: Stop lying around on the couch all day. Me: But you said we needed to start conserving energy.
@heatherlou_: My boss said if I tried to take Friday off, I could just take the rest of the year off so that's kinda neat.