@_BryanZ_: If I die before I wake, please convince mom this twitter account is fake. Amen.
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@bourgeoisalien: I misspelled "marriage" and Auto Correct changed it to "mirage." What do you know that I don't, Auto Correct?
@ericacanrant: Looking for rich sugardaddy to support me so I can support my boyfriend so he can tweet more. *thoughtful romantic tweet*
@simoncholland: If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
@TheTweetOfGod: Earth was the first world I created. It has all kinds of problems. #firstworldproblems