@_BryanZ_: If I die before I wake, please convince mom this twitter account is fake. Amen.
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@MarisaLange: If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission.
@farleftcoast: The recent fake excitement of soccer in the U.S. confirms my belief that Americans will pretend to like anything they can scream USA about.
@Dil_Tron: [bar closing time] Do you wanna come over to my place? Her (flirtatious af): oh yeah Ok hold on.. *dials phone* Mom? Can you pick me up now?
@goodtimenoel: You're all arguing about what color the dress is... While I'm having sex with the girl who took it off.