@_BryanZ_: If I die before I wake, please convince mom this twitter account is fake. Amen.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JMFnSparks: Dear men, I can make your girl scream louder than you can ever make her! Love, Spiders
@MartaEffing: *leaning seductively, slowly dragging fingertip across countertop* Me: how much for the entire case? Donut shop clerk: ma'am, $8.99 a dozen
@GensPlace: When I first went on the pill, I put on a bit of weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.