@_BryanZ_: If I die before I wake, please convince mom this twitter account is fake. Amen.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [being stared at by a bunch of guys as I bathe in an airport washroom] can someone get my back please?
@LucTabone: #IAmHonoredBy my 12 year old telling me he needs me. He wanted a new gadget of course but the thought was there.
@thejessbess: Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal.
@rev_revolver: once a woman in the mall said "isn't everything cuter with babies?!" and jeff replied "not coffins" and just stared at her until she cried