@ChiefTwittler: If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
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@Parentpains: Avoid confrontations in the work place by slashing your coworker's tires while they sleep.
@LMHPhotog: *bursts into room Me: GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND A UNICORN Guys: Yeah sure,show us then! *holds up single kernel of corn *gets violently beaten