@ChiefTwittler: If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
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@GingerGander: Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.
@batkaren: [1st date] "I'm really into roll playing," I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss.
@bananagrvyrd: People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't, or at least that's what I like to tell myself.