@bridger_w: If I die in my sleep, my only request is that you fold me up in my futon and sell it on Craigslist
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@KrispyTacoBelle: High maintenance? Is that when you get stoned and fix random shit around the house?
@YeahDrewisOn: Her: I can't believe you slept with her! Me: WE WERE ON A BREAK! Her: I just went to the store to buy bread! Me: Longest six minutes ever
@ilovepie84: My friend said his baby is sooo smart but the stupid idiot can't even figure out his way home when I forget him on the bus
@Black__Elvis: "Let's blast some Jack Johnson and call each other Broseph and dump our girlfriends with a text." -Dudes who wear salmon colored jean shorts