@bridger_w: If I die in my sleep, my only request is that you fold me up in my futon and sell it on Craigslist
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@QwertyJones3: [First day working in a warehouse] ME: What's that machine for? "Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS??
@senderblock23: "I heard low winter sun is pretty good." - low winter sun from behind a bush trying to throw it's voice
@Sarcasticsapien: Spider-Man's a great addition to The Avengers, if they're looking for a superhero who is best at watching people they love die.
@ghostkrogh: judge: 99 yrs me: is it cos i called ur gavel a justice hammer? judge: no that actually helped me: killing then judge: yeah the killing