@donni: If I die, please avenge me. If it's an accidental death, just go nuts on whoever.
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@TurboJellyBean: Her:"my blinkers don't work I think I'm out of blinker fluid" Me:"your car doesn't have blinker fluid." Her:"I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION"
@psybermonkey: Duolingo [1 day] You forgot to practice [1 week] We miss you [1 month] Fine good luck flirting with french girls you monolingual crétin
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] He had the elbows of a seasoned kayaker. He had a racist hairline.
@HenpeckedHal: Wife : I wish we still had sex like we did when we first started dating. Me: So, like, with other people?