@TheOneTrueDisco: If I died and went directly to hell it would take me a month to realize I wasn't at work.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Iwriteforcats: *writing suicide letter Goodbye cruel world. Your going to really miss me when I'm gone... Cat: *you're
@kelkulus: Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you.
@NicestHippo: [girl points at my scar] What happened? Oh that? Old sports injury. [flashback to me sprinting after an ice cream truck]