@piplips: If I don't introduce you to the person I'm with it's because I don't remember either of your names.
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@BuckyIsotope: [stranded on deserted island] *spells out message in rocks* WHAT’S THE WIFI PASSWORD
@jus4golf: When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years.
@iGreenMonk: Someone just saw me trying to take a picture of myself and now I have a dead body to bury.
@okaypup: I wish I was from Finland so when people asked if I was Finnish I could say "no, in fact, I'm just getting started"