@piplips: If I don't introduce you to the person I'm with it's because I don't remember either of your names.
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@RealSamHarwood: Reminding Dad I'm too old for adoption really bums him out because that was one of his favorite threats when I was growing up
@prawn_meat: if you get caught speeding and a cop asks you "where's the fire" you can just make up an address. they don't have a list of current fires.
@causticbob: If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady... That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.