@piplips: If I don't introduce you to the person I'm with it's because I don't remember either of your names.
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@CooIStepDad: "Son it's time we had the talk" "Cmon dad I know about se.." "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams" "What?" "It was an inside job"
@bea_ker: Newsreader: Police are asking anyone with any information- Me: [shouting at TV] You lose 90% of your heat from your head
@xysist: Sex is great, yes but have you ever had water come out of your ear after it stayed there two days after swimming? OMG