@gigglegirlnoel: If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
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@Tw1tter_K1tten: One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like "Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?"
@RandomlyMJ: Is there such a thing as spontaneous feline combustion? Anyway, baking soda and vinegar are terrible for cats.
@internetluke: GOD: welcome to Heaven I will answer any question you want now. ME: why does Target have 25 checkout lanes with only 2 always open? GOD: ...
@WilliamAder: Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they'd never get caught.