@ZingingCutie: If I end up on life support, feel free to pull the plug.. However, if I'm charging my phone, stay the hell away from the outlet.
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@DanLaMorte: Kids here's a tip. Next Christmas leave Santa marijuana cookies and watch how happy your parents magically become the next morning
@realHamOnWry: My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists.
@KyleMcDowell86: ME: (first day as a detective) It looks like he accidentally shot himself in the head while trying to eat his own gun. What a shame. MY PARTNER: Have u considered suicide? ME: Jesus Christ man, I just get sad sometimes. I dont want to die.