@ZingingCutie: If I end up on life support, feel free to pull the plug.. However, if I'm charging my phone, stay the hell away from the outlet.
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@simoncholland: [5:45 AM] Daughter: "Daddy can you make me breakfast?" Me: "Can you not reach your Halloween candy?"
@QwertyJones3: GUY ABOUT TO MURDER ME: What are you doing ME: I'm naming you godfather to my kids. Now you get them if anything happens to me GUY: DAMMIT
@WendyLiebman: For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, cause that's one of his fantasies: That we have health care.