@AmberTozer: If I ever find a dead body while I'm hiking I'm gonna be like finally
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@gerryhatric: My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I winked at her. She bought me eye drops.
@GregDorris: I farted alone in a room and then my girlfriend's dad came in. Now I have to pretend like something is dead in the walls and help him look.
@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?