@AmberTozer: If I ever find a dead body while I'm hiking I'm gonna be like finally
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: *motions to me that she’s choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them
@joeljeffrey: My dad shouted "shut up idiots" to the cats. I told him "You're speaking English to a cat. You're the idiot. You have to meow at them."
@Cheeseboy22: The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open.
@RappaRick: Monday: forearms Wednesday: forearms Friday: forearms Sunday: forearms --Popeye's gym schedule