@NYC_Blonde: If I ever get a dog I'm going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine.
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@T_Bonezzz_: My sister let me borrow her newborn baby so I could meet girls at the mall. Worked great! Also, If you've found my nephew Jake, lemme know
@HavocMantis: Me: The cool thing about writing is that you learn a lot about yourself. *learns a lot about myself* Me: aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
@omgthatspunny: The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
@dxblarssonENG: Stupid cats stealing all our women.
@juneohara65: Somewhere in my brain is a tiny gland that blinds me to unwashed dishes.
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