@VikeeysSecret: If I ever get married, I'm not wearing white. Nothing to do with the whole virginity thing, and everything to do with being a sloppy eater.
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@aveuaskew: " I made my famous dip for the office party" You're a regular Abe Lincoln. "But he wasn't a chef" Exactly
@matt___nelson: *walks up to dealer* I would like 3 weeds please "Are you a cop?" No I love crime and tomfoolery "..." Could I also get a bushel of cocaine?
@gorrdano: I'm always ready with my mallet when sewer workers poke their head up from under a manhole.
@mrjohndarby: went to the dog hairdresser and (u started reading so u may as well finish) I can't believe how well she held the scissors in her little paw