@lanyardigan: If I ever get the chance to reveal a chupacabra to the world, I hope I have the presence of mind to say, "Chupacadabra!"
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@murrman5: [wife calls] did you write "make all the traps from home alone" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] "no"
@Swishergirl24: Doctor: You have bronchitis Me: OMG I've always wanted a dinosaur!What do I feed it?
@Darlainky: Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.