@J_Dazzle76: If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
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@phaggots: *about to rob a bank* "Okay, lets do this. Everybody, grab a gun" i dont need one "why not" i already have two *kisses biceps*
@_SingleBabyMama: After multiple failed attempts to sleep in my bed my 3yr old came creeping in wearing sun glasses. After being denied once again she said "I tried a disguise this time. I thought for sure it would work."
@oothikicha: The keys Home-Insert-End-Delete are together on the keyboard. Whoever created the keyboard was a big fan of one night stands.
@LuvPug: Just made an annoying kid shut right up by making a throat slash gesture. So I guess you could say I'm like a child whisperer.