@J_Dazzle76: If I ever go missing and theres a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
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@vineyille: FBI: I can’t unlock my phone Genius: is that a fake mustache over your mustache? FBI into earpiece: Operation Twostache has been compromised
@DominicGraz: I used to think Urethra was the name of a heavy metal band, until I found out it was actually a brand of vacuum cleaner.
@JKNenagh: My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night