@RealDMK: If I ever go missing, just follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I try to hide!
@david8hughes: [in ambulance]
"Sir, do you know your blood type?"
"Yeah [coughs & points to wound] red."
@BossyBritches72: Dog keeps sighing melodramatically. I know he wants me to ask him what's wrong, but I'm not falling for it.
@OGJefe: Intelligence is the new cleavage
@Swishergirl24: The first rule of denial club is I can stop anytime I want.
@rickygervais: Jesus died for our sins.
But then he came back to life.
Pretty sure that breaks the deal.